Conclusion (Wrapping up this chapter of my life).

I’m done worrying about PMO. I’ve discovered the root cause and am currently addressing the problem.

Porn addiction breeds in the absence of an active sex life.

You want the solution to porn? Get a girlfriend. Go out once a week and pick up girls. Get laid.

I swear to all that is holy (and I’m not religious) that this will cure you of your ailment, my brothers. Let the vagina sooth your soul.

www.rooshv.com

heartiste.wordpress.com

Good luck.

Edit: If you are getting laid on a regular basis and cannot step away from the pornography then you may have an issue. An addiction is defined as something that gets in the way your day-to-day doings. A fap sesh here and there doesn’t count. Skipping meals because you watched Nikki Benz for 3 hours is a problem. If porn and masturbation interfere with your daily lifestyle, please consider professional help. All other cases should refer to the article written here^

Jet Lag Addendum Continued

Anthony commented on my last post:

I commented on your other posts too. Here are my 2 cents:

I have decided to allow myself to PMO once a week, every monday. I’ve been doing this for about 3 weeks and it’s going great so far. It is simply unhealthy for me to not look at a sexy girl or masturbate at all. So unless I have a GF, I will continue to watch porn and quit being angry at myself for relapsing.

This is awesome. I’m happy Anthony has found a regimin that minimizes stress and maximizes his potential reboot.

Like Anthony (but less strict), I’m just abstaining until the urge is pounding me in the head and I cannot complete other tasks. Seems to be once or twice a week.

Here’s my only suggestion: Skip the porn.

I don’t think I need to elaborate on why. Self-explanatory.

Quick thought…

  • Go ahead and fantasize… but don’t think about porn.

Try thinking about real women. If porn is junk food and real sex is high-class 5-star cuisine then fantasizing about 5-star cuisine is somewhere in the middle… like cooking your own meal using organic ingredients (now I’m hungry). You have to make a mental effort when fantasizing about real specimens while porn is a complete one-armed zombie experience.

So yea. Go ahead and jack it — but do it as infrequently as you can. Even fantasize if you want to. In the meantime, work on getting real interactions too — that’s the whole point (and tastier if we’re sticking with the food metaphor).

If there’s enough interest from you guys I can point you in the right direction for resources on meeting people (girls).


Jet Lag Addendum

I noticed a new blog on Gary’s offsite blog list so I went to check it out (here).

I laid down a comment on his most recent post and had a thought during it that inspired me to write this.

This man is at 100 days. He is struggling. Why?

Why is it that on a stretch of 100 days, or even more, that we still have issues with PMO?

I’m literally going to quote the post I wrote a couple hours ago:

The stress of no release is also powerful. It’s also unnatural, in my opinion. The human being is supposed to have sexual relations and activity. We are supposed to bond and release. We are supposed to love. But porn inhibits this. And no PMO puts us in this unnatural sexless state — a state, I argue, that is highly stressful.

Do you not think it’s crazy for a human being to go 100 days without release? Without some sort of sexual connection? That’s asinine.

He will continue to struggle unless he normalizes. Too much porn and release to absolutely none is arguably a different side of the same god damn coin.

I don’t mean to yell (I wrote that bold sentence in all caps initially) but I think this is overlooked. I know first hand how easy it is to accept something that appears to be a magic bullet. And no PMO isn’t the most beautiful magic bullet either — it’s quite the effort. But it’s still a magic bullet. To think that no PMO alone is the solution to personal problems is to miss the point.

Get a job. Get a girl. Have great sex. Eat amazing food. Read interesting books. Breath fresh air. Smile.

Experience life.

After that, I bet you things will be okay.

———

Jet Lag

Compound interest is a powerful force.

In 11th grade, my math teacher broke from the normal boring lecture grind and talked to us about compound interest for a whole class day. I specifically remember this class because it was novel and most importantly — interesting.

I want to bring up the idea of compound stress.

Compound stress is the combination of multiple stress factors acting at once (do note I mean negative stress, not positive. This post isn’t an excuse to skip your workout).

So, I assume many of you are in a similar position as me. You feel like masturbation is bringing you down, inhibiting your best self. It appears to be an anchor, a lock holding us back from realizing our inner potential.

We feel like this addiction ruins the world. Relationships aren’t as good; we are less creative and less social; we are fatigued and troubled.

But I think we relinquish to much power to the idea of porn addiction. Is it really the sole reason you can’t get a girlfriend? No, I doubt that.

It’s probably because the type of person to get addicted to porn in the first place is like me. Like you. Someone not as social. Someone who seeks it as an out because the real world is hard.

One only needs to head over to Roosh’s site to realize masturbation isn’t the restraint. It’s yourself. ( I’m aware there’s other problems besides girlfriends, but I’m on my iPhone so I’m keeping this more succinct.)

The point is twofold.

1) We lay our guilt on porn addiction thinking that by beating it we will magically become supermen, the best men (or woman!) we can be.

And

2) It’s fucking stressful. The stress that follows a relapse is strong and intense. Considering how often we all seem to relapse…

The stress of no release is also powerful. It’s also unnatural, in my opinion. The human being is supposed to have sexual relations and activity. We are supposed to bond and release. We are supposed to love. But porn inhibits this. And no PMO puts us in this unnatural sexless state — a state, I argue, that is highly stressful.

I have class in a few minutes so here’s my point: Fix other problems in your life before you attempt PMO. Otherwise you create compound stress — and that’s unhealthy and unbearable.

Bed of Nails

A commenter on my last post said…

Man I cannot stand it anymore. I have tried over 20 times to quit and I keep relapsing. I will not try to quit porn any longer until I have a girlfriend or a job. Fuck this shit man. I am so angry, I just relapsed after 6 days, last time I managed to stay without PMO for 10 days

Hopelessness. Throwing in the towel. I feel the same way…

But at the same time I don’t. My personality is one that won’t ever let me give in completely once I know I’m fighting a battle. I’ve been battling Acne for 3 years now with dietary changes, constantly changing positions and trying new things in order to remove it once and for all (getting close!)

The main problem with this porn addiction is that the negative consequences of it are so fucking hidden. Perhaps this is because I’ve never been a person who didn’t masturbate to porn.

But then again, I read a lot about guys who spend their days trying to pick up chicks and get laid. It was from these sources that I found out about PMO, and yet they turn a blind eye to it (not all of them). They are successful socially even with constant manual release.

So this is the confusing thing to me. Porn addiction doesn’t really seem like an addiction. Yea, I get cravings to do it when I’m sitting around in my room putzing around on my computer (like right now, sigh). But unless I’m in a position to masturbate I won’t do it. In fact, yesterday I was busy every minute and when I came home I just passed out. Not one second did I consider PMO yesterday.

I thought addiction was unbearable. I thought that drug addicts are basically unable to function without their chemicals.

I know that some PMO rebooters experience strong withdrawal symptoms, but I don’t seem to. Truth be told, I might not have gone long enough to even let those things begin, but as of now it feels silly.

I mean, if I’m busy and unable to masturbate, it’s fucking easy to abstain. I’m gonna be traveling next week for 10 days and I guarantee I’ll be having a fucking blast.

Anyway, point is I’m gonna take this stuff a little more lightly.

I have 2 ideas as to my next ‘reboot’ (I don’t even wanna call it that anymore). My next ‘lifestyle changes:’

  • Moderate myself. if I let myself do it once a week, or once every 10 days, and gradually increase the gap over time, it might be easier to manage.
  • Cascading gaps. This is an interesting thought I had yesterday. You start with a 1 day reboot. Then a 2 day reboot. Then 3 days. Each time, I will release on the end date (or at least, ‘allow’ myself). I don’t know why, but this sound like it might work. At some point it becomes 30 days between release, 60, half a year, a year. I think I may start this when I come back after my travel.

In response to the commenter, I feel the same way. Sort of. I’m tired of stressing myself over the PMO.

As such, I’m gonna step lightly here. Without a girlfriend (and the commenter, without a job), we don’t have any stimulation. I think this void of any release is more detrimental than moderate PMO use. Obviously that’s not how my use has been, but that’s where I’m aiming to land. My advice to the commenter and to myself is as such:

Take a deep breath.

P.S. I wrote “Headache” while drunk and with a raging headache. I can be an angsty drunk. Poetic, even.

Headache

I’m addicted to porn.

I’m not addicted to porn.

If I’m addicted to porn, I won’t be confidant and encouraged enough to seek real partnership. If I don’t have real partnership, not viewing porn ends up being more of a detriment.

I bang my head against the wall.

I can’t go without it. I need something. The internet culture I find myself in, the circumstances of my grade school experience, my parents attitude towards sex… all things that fucking failed me.

I want people. I want to caress a beautiful and sweet woman’s hair while she holds me, endeared and admiring.

Porn gives me the superficial version of this. It gives the sexual version of this. It gives me the instant gratification version of this. It gives me the scared, fearful, unconfident, shelled, living under a rock version of this.

Fuck, that version is tiring, boring, dull. And yet I can’t get enough.

I bang my head against the wall.

With porn I’m sedated. I’m not in the mood to seek companionship. Not as much, at least. With porn I’m not distracted by my sexual urges, energy, and passion. In moderate use it enables clarity.

In fact, my mental state declined since I read about porn addiction. Now it’s just another anchor. Another weight. Another sandbag.

But is it that bad? The knowledge is priceless. Golden. It holds the key to a better human experience… and yet I can’t seem to pierce through it. Off come my pants.

I’m not really sure where I stand any more.

I bang my head against the wall.

To take my pants off or not. To grasp my penis or not. To fiercely succumb to visual enterprise or not.

I know this isn’t the path. But it feels so good. It feels right. It feels wrong. Is this a symptom itself?

I bang my damn head against the wall.

On Second Thought…

In my last post I wrote…

Even though I was no PMO, I was actually doing an approach-challenge. I was trying to talk to 100 girls by the end of the year (this was late Nov) and thus my goal was to get off from a girl, not myself. This helped in a few ways. One, it kept me busy, two it provided positive and real stimulation, and three, it relinquished the thought that I wouldn’t be able to get off. Unfortunately, I’m currently girl-less (gonna get back to that grind shortly) which means a lack 0f PMO means I’m not getting off, period. I think this idea of deprivation tugs at the back of my head whether or not I consciously like the thought. So when I tell myself, “NO MORE WANKING” my brain thinks “shit, that means NOTHING because you ain’t got no chicks lined up boy!” and then proceeds to force me to jack off.

I want to re-stress how important I think replacing PMO with positive and real stimulation is.

Over the last few days, I have come to the conclusion that having other women in my life (even just short conversations with attractive women) was enough of a stimulus to quell the urge. I mean, that was the primary difference between my first reboot (which hit 20 days without a pinch) and my subsequent failures. I’m still only on Day 4, unfortunately.

Obviously, my course of actions should be to repeat my approach-challenge and see whether or not it effects my urge.

Oh, and another huge, in fact, more important thing, is that during my first 20 days I had an intimate partner. I had a close connection, emotionally and sexually with another human being. Honestly, if I had a girlfriend I think this reboot would be a fucking joke.

The problem is, after thinking that, I say to myself “Okay CTS, get a girlfriend. Until then, you can masturbate.” But then I double check myself, because we all know that’s a terrible fucking method. The more I masturbate, the harder it is for me to socialize and be an attractive man (I think — I actually have some thoughts about this I’ll put in a future post).

So, my goal right now is to get a girlfriend. Or to just get women in my life. Or just get guys in my life, for that matter. More friends, more socializing, more time spent outside my room with real people.

I want real people and my dreams, not a computer screen.

———————–

A quick side-note about my last two slip-ups…

They were short.

I was heavily into my creative outlet last week, which involves me being at home (usually alone) on my computer. Unfortunately, the urge to masturbate was a huge pull on my head, getting in the way of my musical clarity.

So, in a desperate attempt to focus on my music, I jacked off. But think about that.

I watched ONE porn video (unfortunately – I should have just not watched any) and I finished it up swiftly. It felt like a chore that needed to be done, so I did it and got back to my work. My resistance to masturbation and porn was more immediately deleterious to my creativity than if I had just quickly wanked it and gone on my way.

Now, I don’t recommend anyone do this. I’m still trying not to, but at this stage (and with my next post explained) I’m not really ashamed or unhappy about this decision. If a short, uninvolved, non-binge masturbation session is needed once for me to hop back on the creative bus, then you bet your fucking ass I’ll hit the bathroom and be right back in five.

The point is, I’m not obsessing about it. In fact, I’m a little annoyed at it. As I said,

HOLY SHIT FIRE ALARM IN THE BUILDING. Post is pretty much done, PEACE.

Mellow Moods and Righteous Tunes

Greetings.

So after a long stretch of not being able to get past Day 2, I am now officially on Day 3.

That may seem small, but it’s definitely an important mile-stone. For some reason, this time around the pull is so much weaker.

I think the reason for that is I’m fully engaging myself in my musical endeavors. I have some sweet shit in the pipeline, and it gets me really excited.

I also think I might just be on an up-swing mood wise, or a down-swing craving wise because I’ve been feeling pretty damn chipper the past couple of days. My resistance to porn has been minimal because the craving is pretty non-existant. I am not a fool anymore though — I will not let down my guard.

So my next milestone timeline wise is 2 weeks. That seems to be the most hectic period according to some secondary sources.

I sat in reflection today, wondering why my first 20 days were so fucking easy compared to every other attempt afterwards.

I think I’ve come up with some viable answers:

  • I didn’t recognize the strength of the addiction and thus, my resistance was less. Buddhist concept of resistance basically says, the more you resist something the more power you give it. At my start, I didn’t overplay or even really understand how intense of an addiction this was — which in turn allowed me to accept it more and not see it as such a big fucking deal. I think this is a highly important mindset to have. It’s not “Oh shit, I can’t masturbate to porn, fuck I’m so horny.” The mindset should be something like “masturbation? huh? I’m over that, pssh whatever — next.” The closer to indifference you can feel about the situation the better you will be at evading the pull.
  • Even though I was no PMO, I was actually doing an approach-challenge. I was trying to talk to 100 girls by the end of the year (this was late Nov) and thus my goal was to get off from a girl, not myself. This helped in a few ways. One, it kept me busy, two it provided positive and real stimulation, and three, it relinquished the thought that I wouldn’t be able to get off. Unfortunately, I’m currently girl-less (gonna get back to that grind shortly) which means a lack 0f PMO means I’m not getting off, period. I think this idea of deprivation tugs at the back of my head whether or not I consciously like the thought. So when I tell myself, “NO MORE WANKING” my brain thinks “shit, that means NOTHING because you ain’t got no chicks lined up boy!” and then proceeds to force me to jack off.
  • Some chemical reason. Perhaps when you first get off of something it doesn’t hit you as hard. Perhaps my relapses, now aware of my quest to end porn, triggered larger binges than previously as a method to “get in as much in before I quit.” This in turn causes a crazier chaser effect and makes it even harder to get off. My binges were insane, I tell you. In-fucking-sane.
So yea. What does this mean?
All in all, I’m gonna try to abide by the mindset of acceptance. It’s not that I’m trying to not masturbate or look at porn, it’s “I don’t do that.” Masturbation isn’t even an option anymore.
As a result, I will be more social. For means other than release, actually, as it will also help my career. Social success = financial success! (Go read stevepavlina.com)
And finally, as a safety hazard, upon a potential relapse, I will not binge. In fact, I even hesitate writing this because it’s just a stupid way to rationalize falling off the horse.
Anyway, with all that said, I will put my headphones down and hit the hay.

Just Had Enough (Dialogue)

The one thing that irks me about blogging is that it is largely a one sided conversation until you have such a volume of readership that SOMEONE will speak up and comment at you (most likely hate, of course).

Fortunately, this is such a niche blog sphere that I was able to have a dialogue with another fellow abstainer, from Just Had Enough.

Here is our dialogue, which was on my previous post. I’m posting it here because I think it deserves some attention from those who don’t dare click a title header (you know who you are).

—–

    • JustHadEnough says:
      January 15, 2012 at 5:39 am

      Cool. In that case let me ask you a question.

      Guys watch porn for obvious reasons, but I think it turns into an addiction for reasons that lie far beyond “i’m horny.”

      I know for me back in the day, it stemmed from the fact that I was quite insecure about myself and I didn’t think cute girls found me attractive.

      That thinking has changed and things have happened that prove it isn’t true, but I still feel like that sometimes. The “wanted” feeling fades and I think that is when I am most vulnerable to slip-up. Over these Christmas holidays, I found myself trying to get with girls at parties even just to make out, mostly because I wanted to prove to myself that girls did find me attractive. I actually have no idea why I doubt that still sometimes. Because I was trying too hard and alcohol was involved obviously that didn’t happen and I made an ass of myself on a few occasions. We are getting to the question btw haha.

      When trying to get with a real girl didn’t work out and I still felt the same I turned to porn and old habits.

      What started you on porn? Why do you think it has become an addiction for you personally?

  1. Cold Turkey Supreme says:
    January 15, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Firstly, you have to learn to truly believe in your own value — that you are a worthwhile, awesome person. Don’t let external things like money or women drive your ego! That’s some eastern shit right there.

    A girl can reject you, and you can either walk away with your head held high for trying to take what you want, or head slobbering downward in rejection. That part is your move, and yours only.

    Secondly, what started me on porn? I have a long history of pleasing myself, as I remember doing a pseudo-wanking when I was younger than 6 (fucking weird, because my parents would yell at me for it and I had no idea why. “but it feels good mommy!” /Shudder.)

    I was also not the most outgoing kid, nerdy/geeky played video games like japanese animation and such. I think a friend told me about jacking off in 7th or 8th grade and I did it with, what I thought were, grand-ol-results.

    My earliest “porn” was straight up fantasizing about classmates, teachers, friends, etc. Easy visuals of girls I could bring to my mind. After that, I seem to remember looking at a lot of softcore porn, hardcore, and then slowly moving into the video realm as that became way more accessible.

    This is my porn history, I just realized, not a direct answer. But I’ll continue because I like talking about myself.

    Actually, I’ll shorten high school into a few words. World of Warcraft and Porn.

    College was a different beast, because I had learned about “game” and the man-o-sphere which in turn started me on my self-improvement odyssey (which I’m currently on and hope to be until I lay dead).

    I continued porn use in college, although I cannot for the life of me remember how I managed to jack off with a roommate in the same damn room. I must have abused myself in the shower.

    Anyway, fast forward till now. The man-o-sphere has a “no masturbation” trend run through it and I stumble upon yourbrainonporn.com which blows my fucking mind. Like, not in many years have I read something so breathtakingly converse to what I had originally thought. That kind of knowledge gets me off, in ways better than porn.

    So I realized it’s an addiction and here I am typing to you on a blog I made about it.

    Do answer your question after writing an essay, it kind of just happened. I gradually found my way into it. Perhaps a slow social life and my young “happy” accidents contributed to accelerated use, but who knows. It wasn’t for any thoughtful reason beyond “penis feel good, lady look hot” and then me jerkin it.

    It’s become an addiction because it’s quite literally an addiction. This is an interesting question because although it’s an addiction for everyone (dopamine-wise) I guess individuals could have non-chemical related reasons for falling into porn.

    To me, it’s 100% just a dopamine addiction. Rather than getting my dopamine through social interactions, laughing, experiences, living life, I have been hoarding it through women on my screen. I think this is why I’ve always been a loner. Socializing never “felt” fun because, the dopamine response is fucking garbage next to porn. Thus, I jack off and lament about my life.

    I think an appropriate question is, “Why do you want to quit” which I have already answered in a previous post.

    I’m curious as to yours, though?

    note: holy shit this was long. stream of consciousness supreme.

  2. JustHadEnough says:
    January 16, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Thanks for the encouragement. These past few months are among the first that I have had a more consistent sense of worth and confidence in myself. I do believe in myself now. I still take rejection pretty hard though, and the return to porn/recent rejections seem to have zapped my confidence level down a few notches. I’m working on it.

    I have been trying to adopt a “don’t give a fuck what people think of me” attitude over the past few months. It’s funny, because I started out as the exact opposite. I’m a chronic over-thinker of a good many things. I have made lots of progress, but obviously there is lots of room to grow.

    Fair enough on your answer. It is a physical addiction, and your dopamine explanation pretty much nails me too (as far as why I got hooked/loner). Because I think as much as I do, I tend to connect dots and all that shit. I like knowing the subconscious reasons behind things, and I find psych really interesting. Maybe what I said is more of a trigger than I reason. I dunno. I do believe people have reasons that are kind of hidden for falling into any addiction though. I find that sort of thing really interesting.

    From your wording, I think you are asking me why I want to quit. Either way, thats the question I am going to answer ha. So here goes.

    I need to if I want to live my life the way I would like. Thats it, plain and simple. Ever since stumbling upon yourbrainonporn I can see how my porn use has contributed to everything I hate about myself, and that it could be fixed. My laziness, lack of motivation, dull view of life, social anxiety, flaws with women and a few other things that have put me a few years behind in my pursuit of my dreams and relationships with others have all been contributed to if not caused by this porn addiction. I want my dreams and real people more than I want a screen. Its been 9 years. Who knows how good life is outside of this haze?

    At the moment I have porn induced ED as well. It’s not that I can’t get it up, its just that its not close to as “full power” as I remember it was about 3 years ago. It scares me to death that it might not come back. That has been porn induced as well, although very slowly over years.

  3. Cold Turkey Supreme says:
    January 16, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I am the same when it comes to over-thinking. I’ve also come to realize that much of life is best left un-thought (like socializing). I actually think porn forces us to be in our heads more often than not, in turn leading to increased social anxiety and mental fatigue/sluggishness. Thinking costs energy, so I can definitely see how it’s draining (along with the physical act of ejaculation of course).

    The problem with porn addiction, unlike say heroin, is that people don’t acknowledge it as one. It’s as if I came up to you one day and said “By the way, using forks and knives is an addiction to food-assisted eatery.” Everyone does it and it’s generally accepted knowledge. Ironically, masturbation is a “generally accepted social taboo.” Tons of people do it but absolutely no one talks about it.

    As such, while triggers and reasons might exist for sinking into things like hard drugs, it’s kind of hard for me to believe that masturbation and porn begins as an escape. I would imagine most guys stumble upon it. You only need to see the value in it. The deleterious effects are slow and creeping, hidden and sneaking. Not for some time do they emerge and when they do they are hidden as intangible behavioral tendencies and mental issues — shit that is hard to measure.

    You said: “I need to if I want to live my life the way I would like. Thats it, plain and simple. Ever since stumbling upon yourbrainonporn I can see how my porn use has contributed to everything I hate about myself, and that it could be fixed. My laziness, lack of motivation, dull view of life, social anxiety, flaws with women and a few other things that have put me a few years behind in my pursuit of my dreams and relationships with others have all been contributed to if not caused by this porn addiction.”

    I think this speaks for us all. I doubt any one PMO user will disagree with what you say here. I know that I do, for sure.

    As for the ED, my only experience regarding that is short. With porn, I had trouble releasing from any handjob/blow-job from a partner. Sex with a condom meant I didn’t get off. I required skin on skin for release. Without porn (~18 days in), hand jobs came easy (pun intended) and fucking with a condom was pleasurable and successful. Point being, there’s definitely a sensitivity issue with porn use that cures itself over time. Mine took as short as 2 weeks to kick in. If you make it to a month I’m sure you’ll get it rockin and rollin hard (pun intended).

    P.S. “I want my dreams and real people more than I want a screen.” — that’s some fuckin true ass poetry right there.

Drastic Measures (Day 0)

After slipping a couple times in the past few days, I’ve decided to instal K9 Web Protection on my computer. My brother put a password in, so there’s no way for me to get through it (without struggling through).

Unfortunately, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my willpower alone is not enough to get through this. While my brother doesn’t yet ‘believe’ in the porn addiction, he’s rollin with me.

In the event that I crack the wall in an effort to get a fix, two things will happen.

My brother and I will acknowledge I have a serious issue.

I will remove internet from my home.

Let’s hope we don’t get there.

Peace and good luck.

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